It was bound to happen. A blue day. (blue accessories alert!) Especially given that I’ve been living with cancer for just 5 days. That’s less than a week! A week ago my TTT had not been discovered! A week ago I was stressing about my dog eating my undies, my daughter not finishing her dinner, and my tennis game not getting any better.
But today, reality sank in. Holy shit. I have to actually deal with this. And there’s so much to do on top of my already jam-packed life (and of course this takes precedence) but I’m not gonna lie, it’s hard not to feel like I’m sinking here. It’s a lot to take in, and there’s a lot to be done. And all I want to do is…nothing.
I snapped at the kids today. For no reason. I blame it on the TTT. (because of course I’m a totally awesome mom 100% of the time: engaged, laser-focused, and interested in every little thing they’re doing.)
– You’ve decided you want to be a Vampire for Halloween and not a surfer girl? Stupendous!
– You’re going to play Torrey Smith and not Josh Gordon as your flex and ignore my advice? Fantastic!
– I need to come out and view the Halloween decorations at the front of the house right away this second right now? Absolutely!
I saw an excellent movie today at the Mill Valley Film Festival with S and K called “Beside Still Waters” (fun fact: actor Chris Lowell who was in Veronica Mars wrote directed it and came to speak before and after and he is supercute.) Think “The Bill Chill” of our generation – high school friends gather in a big house for a weekend following the death of the main character’s parents and we experience grief, longing, humor, and regret along with the 8 friends who reconnect after this tragedy. Chris Lowell said afterwards, he hopes it makes people want to pick up the phone and connect with people they’ve lost touch with and it does. So even though the movie was beautiful and poignant and really quite excellent, it wasn’t until I came home that I started to feel, well, sorta blue.
You guys have been great. I’m loving all of the comments to my posts and the feedback on the blog in general. Everyone keeps saying “You have such a great attitude about this” and “If there’s anyone who will fight this it’s you” – and I appreciate those sentiments, I really do! I need you guys in my corner, cheering me on, lifting me up, no doubt. But today, I’m going to say that feeling blue is okay. Some days are just like that. And that’s ok. For reals.