breaking points

Despite my penchant for reading such varied and high quality content such as The Hunger Games Trilogy, The Twilight Books, 51 Shades Trilogy (Don’t. Even. Go. There.), as well as Mindy Kaling and Tina Fey’s books, I was not an English major. Shocked?

[I am crazy-skilled at practicing the art of self-deprication. So to be fair, I will disclose: I am an actual Reader. Yes, that’s right, Capital R. Not just chick lit. Swear. In fact, I’ve been a long-time bookworm, and I am happy to share two tidbits:

  1. I’ve always read multiple books at a time. My cousin R used to question this tactic constantly. “Don’t you ever forget what you’re reading?”
  2. I won the MS Read-a-thon in 1980 for all of Marin County – placed 1st in books read and money raised. Bam! I was super duper lucky as my BFF at the time and fellow bookworm decided that her first book she’d read for the month of the fundraiser was Watership Down. Seriously? Do you even know how many pages that book is? A freaking lot, that’s what.]

So as a non English major, I may have missed some important lessons on sayings and expressions or literary references. For example, ever wondered where the expression “Straw that broke the Camel’s back” came from? Today I lived it. Sort of.

Straw #1 The thing about the Oncotype Test

  • Driving into the city with M at 8:00 am yesterday, I did what any normal Type A multi-tasker would do and checked emails, returned texts, and made phone calls. Yesterday marked day 10 waiting for test results and I had read online that you can phone the lab that runs the tests personally to see where you are in the process. But when I spoke to them, they had no record for me, even when they looked it up by  prescribing doctor. Wait, what? I frantically called Dr H’s office to inquire and confirm. Guess whose day off is on Wednesdays? Guess whose assistant who is the scheduler is also out of the office on Wednesdays? Seriously.  Then I call the patient navigator who assures me she will research this right away and call me back immediately. I waited until 5pm for the call.

Straw #2 Delay of Game

  • My 10:00 am surgery didn’t start until 11:00.
  • My 45-minute procedure lasted 1.5 hours. Gah!
  • Dr K removed the area that wasn’t healing well, repaired the tissue and replaced my expander. Turns out there was a hole in it. So this means if Chemo is necessary, we have to wait a month before I can start while this heals, so that brings me to early January instead of mid December. Bummers.

Straw #3 Paula Abdul was right

  • When she sang in Opposites Attract with MC Kat, “I take two steps forward, I take two steps back,” Paula Abdul could have been describing my CJ to date. The presence of a new drain on my left side post surgery means I back on a shower moratorium while it’s in place. (I want to talk about that ridiculous cartoon Kat, I do! I do!)
  • I’m also back on “the juice” (aka Percoset). While this is one of the least hard crosses to bear, it does come with some not-so-stellar side effects. (See: Poopwatch 2013, The)
  • And while I’m back on Percoset, and experiencing newly increased limited mobility, this means my driving hopes and dreams have been dashed. Or at least, delayed.

And there you have it: Three straws that felt just heavy enough to break the camel’s back yesterday.

Baby it’s cold out there! Make sure you bundle up…and while I might be firmly planted in my CCC, check out some ideas to keep you warm and toasty.

xo

JG

 

6 Responses

  1. Oh man Jen, so sorry! Your attitude and fighter spirit will get you through this latest frickin’ challenge. Hang in there and sending love from the Werners. xoxo

  2. And I called your beloved 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. T, and asked her if it was OK for you to be reading more than one book at a time. Of course, she said it was not just fine…it was terrific!! You certainly did not get your reading skills from me….you got it from dad C’s side of the family! Lucky you!! xoxoxoxoxox

  3. If I had the skills to post a screen grab if the kitten hanging on to the tree branch, I would. Hang in there, baby. So sorry. xo

  4. Okay non English major, you’re one of the best writers I know! When this is all behind you and you’re on the mend you need to get published. Just happen to know someone at Gruner+Jahr the largest publishing firm in Europe. Bertelsmann the parent co owns Penquin Random House.Not bad huh!
    ❤️

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