It’s been exactly 4 weeks since my bilateral mastectomy. That’s 28 days of being a “small breasted” person after nearly 28 years of being a “bigger breasted” person. I’ve swapped my D’s for A’s (or at least temporarily) and I have to say I’m getting more comfortable with the physical changes of my new shape. I don’t for one hot minute regret my decision to have the surgery (vs lumpectomy/radiation path).
That also means 28 days of:
- LS driving my kids to school
- the dynamic duo of BW/LW picking up Miss J from school and dropping her off (I’m not going to dock your pay for the 2 times you guys forgot to pick her up…)
- JB taking the guys home from basketball practice and “running” them at Mt Tam when they needed to get their ya-ya’s out
- FFL and RC dropping off essential items: milk, bagels, etc.
- All of The Intern’s new girlfriends taking him on walks and to the dog park. (He’s turned into such a little slut – will go in anyone’s car now.)
- All of my generous friends and family preparing meals, dropping off goody bags, popping by with coffee, taking Miss J for the afternoon, distracting me with fun projects like packing lists and shopping missions, and tolerating my need to simultaneously talk only about my CJ and not-at-all about my CJ.
It’s like it was the shortest 4 weeks of my life and the longest 4 weeks of my life at the same time. Go figure.
The question about the passage of time reminds me of an ongoing debate my high school partner-in-crime JM and I would have. The point of contention? Her wall calendar. Smushed between posters of skantily-clan hairless men and Patrick Nagel prints, (Duran Duran album covers anyone?) JM’s monthly calendar featured black sharpie marks across each day after it was over. I accused her of counting down days, and crossing off each day of her life that she was living…for what purpose? She countered that she simply crossing off the days in her calendar as a way to easily identify which day it was of the week, plain and simple. Defense rests, your honor. (She became an attorney.)
[Pause for a moment while we consider the artwork on her walls that her parents permitted. Check it.]
So while I may have wildly over-reached in my argument, (Come on, I was 16. Everything had major meaning.) I’m bringing it up now to underscore my pledge not to cross off days during my time of limbo. The high-speed up-and-down roller-coaster ride of Dr’s appointments, test results, treatment plans, side effects and further surgeries will begin soon enough. I’m going to try and fill each day with joy and simple pleasures. (Like adding more sparkle to your holiday ensemble!) One step in front of another.
- Drove to pick up the kids from school. First time in my car since November 14th. Good to be back in the driver’s seat – literally and figuratively.
- Had a nice catch-up visit with SM in the morning, which brought me incredible happiness. (and sweet treats from NYC)
- Another yum dinner by the fabulous JD – home-made croutons…seriously?
- I have a Dr’s appointment with Dr K today to get stitches out from last week’s surgery.
- Follow up appointment with my oncologist surgeon Dr G on Monday.
- New patient appointment with Dr S at SIO on Monday, December 16. (my 2nd opinion)
- I have an appointment to go over the oncotype results with oncologist Dr H on Thursday December 19.
We’ll know more when we know more…but for now, that’s gonna have to be enough.