I guess it takes three days a person to come down from their vacation “high”.
Three days after returning from the sheer loveliness that was Spring Break on Oahu with my main peeps, I had a routine weekly appointment with Dr K in which he examined my left breast, declared that he “didn’t like the look if it” and scheduled me for surgery on Monday to swap out the expander and out a new one in. Say wha?
My left side has always been a troublemaker. It’s also the side – go figure – that had the tumor and the infection. So I shouldn’t be surprised that we’re engaged in an epic long-term battle (“the ultimate throwdown” if you will – that one’s for you BW) to get it all fixed up nicely. The surgery will be an in and out thing. I won’t have to stay overnight. Hooray! But I will have to get an IV. Boo. Probably no more than two hours tops. They will remove the troublesome expander, put a new one in, and sew me back up lickety split. The plan is to keep expanding my left side over the next month in preparation for the June 11th (yes, we are all still hopeful that I can keep my surgery date!) exchange surgery.
How am I handling this setback? I’m doing ok actually.
Dr K said upon delivering the news, “Now do you want to hit me or cry?”
“Neither,” I responded, “I guess it’s the 20 mg of Lexapro I’m on because I’m fine with this. I totally get it. Let’s do this.”
He and the awesome PA laughed and made a note to swap out the jellybeans in the candy dishes in the office for Lexpro pills for their patients.
But the thing is, I kind of had an inkling that something was wrong. When in Hawaii, I was obsessing with my boobs. I knew that the right one was bigger even though they were filled up to the same number of cc’s. Even M grew tired of looking at my chest and examining it.
“Look how big this one is!” I’d say to him. “See?”
After about the 4th day in a row of obsessing, he said to me, “Jen, I’m tired of talking about your breasts. Yes that one is bigger. But no, it’s not too big.”
I still wasn’t satisfied so I brought in reinforcements. I asked my friend EJ while we were on the tennis court and I had 3 layers of pads on my left to even out and compensate for my what-I-thought ginormous moster right breast.
“Do you think my boob is too big?” I asked her in between sets. (For the record, we were getting crushed. Maybe it was our lack of focus. Or maybe not.)
“No, not at all. That one looks great! The perfect size for you” she assured me.
So that’s when it clicked for me. It wasn’t my right breast that was faulty. It was Mr Left Breast, the troublemaker that was misbehaving. When I went in for my appointment this afternoon, I shared my concerns to the PA. She felt around, swqueezed bits and parts, poked and prodded, and then came to the same conclusuon: the left one had shrunk. A lot. But why? When Dr K came in to examine me, he agreed. They’re not sure whether it’s a leak or something else. But the conclusion is unanimous.
“Let’s get this taken care of as soon as possible,” he said. I agreed.
I happen to have just a smidge of time in between the Foundation online auction that I stayed up until 3 am putting the final touches on, helping set up an art gallery for classroom projects, holding a yard and bake sale to raise money for C & Z’s Odyssey World Tournament trip in Iowa, taking in a Giants game, and trying to unburden myelf from the endless loads of laundry post vacay. At this point, a day in the Hospital and 3-5 days recovering at home seems like a fucking spa to me. Can you say om?
Too bad my former BFF New Year’s Hospital stay roomie won’t be there. Or will she?