Miss me?

Guess what? I’m back! And guess what again? I’m heading into surgery tomorrow. Yep, that’s right, I just can’t stay away. I think after 5 surgeries you get a free latte. Or something. Friends ask, “Are you nervous?” or “Are you excited?” and either it’s the 20 mg of Lexapro talking or I really am kinda “over it.” I got this. Surgery. No big deal. Meh.

But, of course, it IS a big deal. The cancer part is gone, which is the tremendous good news, but the reconstruction/revision cycle keeps going. I’m not looking to win any bikini contests anytime soon and I’m not searching for perfect breasts …just real-looking…um, breasts. Sigh.

People say “How’s your summer been?” and I’m not gonna lie. It kinda sucked. Bookended by two surgeries (June 23 and August 20) left me little time to enjoy outdoor activities, adventures or much travel. I was on the DL again for 6 weeks (disabled list in baseball terms) and had a 10 day break and now on the eve of my surgery, I’ll be back on until October. Me and Brandon Belt have been watching Housewives together.

(He doesn’t like Tamara either.)

Pity party for one, your table is ready.

I’m aware that I sound a bit bratty. I don’t have cancer anymore! The tumor is gone! I didn’t have to do chemo! I’m only 2 of the three B’s (boob-less and bloated..but not bald!) The irony is my kids had like the best summer of their lives. I kid you not. C said “Can we stay home again next year?” They’re at sleep away camp right now and the timing couldn’t be better – I’ll have a couple of days to rest in bed and binge-watch crappy TV while they’re making lanyards and s’mores.

And while I have chunks of memory from this year missing – the good news is – the kids don’t define this year as “the year mommy had breast cancer” for which I’m incredibly grateful. I’ve managed to drive field trips, coach the Odyssey of the Mind Team, manage the Foundation’s events, remember to feed the Intern, and occasionally heat up something warm for M when he gets home. I’ve been present for them – as much as I could be given the circumstances – and my hope for them is that this year becomes a distant memory for them.

As for me and my aspirations? I wish I could tell you that when I last wrote sometime in June or July and pledged to get back on track with health and fitness that it were true, except I’m shoveling peanut m&m’s in my mouth at the moment. By the handful. M has been incredibly patient and understanding as I practice my nightly routine of helping myself to a heaping bowl of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream before bed.

“Is this on your healthy eating plan?” he asks not-so benignly.

“Yep,” I say proudly. “Absolutely,” with a don’t-fuck-with-me-face.

So there you have it. The honest answer to how my summer has been, my progress on my healthy eating plan, and the update on my surgery plans. I report at 6:00 am tomorrow morning and everyone who knows me knows that this is nothing short of a miracle. Wish me luck.




7 Responses

  1. Sending you big hugs and good wishes.
    But, yeah, this sucks. Big time. So sorry..
    You will come through like a champ once again.

  2. Oh Jennifer, I am so sorry you have to go through another surgery. You’ve been amazing. I hope this will be the last one and your life can go back to normal…at least the new normal. Love, Gayle

  3. Jennifer, sending many positive vibes your way as you embark for surgery. I know this whole process has to be draining for you. I only hope that this will end soon. You’ve shown such a real and incredible strength through this process. Even though we don’t see each other anymore, I have been reading your blogs since day one and I admire how you have dealt with everything. I will be thinking of you. Hugs, Michele

  4. Jennifer, of course I wish you luck. I just heard tonight from your Mom you were going in again. Next summer will be a good one and this summer will be a fading memory. You’re a trooper and everything will fall into place for you very soon.

  5. You’ve been amazing and so strong. Just one more hitch, but I know you will move on to better times very soon. This should do it. Good luck. Love, Vicki Klapper

  6. Jennifer, I definitely can relate to what you are going through and I must say you are the much stronger of us two. My pity party went on (and still goes intermittently ) for long stretches. Keep saying I am going to find a great psych! You are incredible! Amazing! Talented beyond Jane Austen. Please, Please get a publisher and make a book. It will sell millions . Your attitude (while inside may murk around) is amazing. You make us laugh and for those of us who have traveled similiar roads, you are our scout!.
    Best to you tomorrow. Again, I love you , because you must be so much like your mom, and I love her truly.

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